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101 (a wee bit of friendly advice) Be warned..this post is well-written, grammatiy correct and longer than "hey, wanna f**k?" I'm sure there will be people who stopped reading after the first sentence. :) Most times I read these ads for fun (although if I find a man perfect for me and my situation..), because let's face it, there is a wealth of humorous fodder on here. But sometimes I come across an ad that seems so genuine it makes me hope the author found exactly what it is he is looking for. THIS ad is for all you guys who seem to be struggling...lol Ok, listen up. You will NOT find a supermodel on . I know, I know, "say it ain't so." I hate to burst your bubble boys, but if you get a of a super-hot chick she's probably one of a few things; 1) She's lying. That is probably from 1989 or -shopped. Look for big hair (totally 80's) or a total absence of flaws (nobody is THAT perfect. Not even me). :) 2) She's in desperate need of a green card. Make a of this, if she falls madly in love with you after two dates and she's from /Russia/Mexico/Columbia/etc., etc., check the expiration date of her student visa. Odds are she's looking for little letters, M-r-s (Mrs.) 3) She is a dude with his junk hidden in a pair of frilly panties. How surprised are you gonna be when you're getting all hot and heavy in the back seat of your car and you discover not only does "she" have 38DDs, she also is sporting a boner bigger than yours???Although if you're into that, have at it, I'm not one to judge! :) Speaking of cars. NO self-respecting woman wants to meet you in the parking lot of Bass Pro Shop for a blowjob! A crackhead will. But just because she has no and is willing to get you off for $9.50 does not make her good company. (I threw up in my mouth a little at THAT visual, ICK) There are lots of nice women out there; smart, funny, attractive, women. Put some effort into finding one. You want perfection? You are so in the wrong place, actually you're on the wrong planet! REAL women have wrinkles and crinkles and scars and flaws. These are the women who have lived life and know what fun and and pleasure and passion are all about. Don't overlook the chubby girls or the nerdy girls or the quiet ones. For all you know, they are absolutely uninhibited, and will rock your world behind closed doors. Here is a list of things women don't want 1) A serial . That would totally put a damper on things if you show up with a machete and pair of handcuffs. Death is a bit of a mood breaker, I'm just saying. 2) An unemployed loser. If you live at home in your mom's basement eating and watching Dr. all day long, well, you , are NOT a catch. Wipe the Doritos dust from your fingers and grow up. Oh, and if you are over the age of 22 and you have a name tag that says "Welcome to Burger King" I would consider college if I were you. You don't have to be rich, not at all. But you do have to be a contributing member of society. 3) Crazy. If you hear voices or have imaginary friends, that's problematic. Women don't want crazy men, unless the woman is also crazy; in which case you now have a relationship destined for the Springer Show. 4) . Yeah yeah, some women dig the whole "bad boy" thing, but those women are usually nuts or the aforementioned crackheads. If you are on a first name basis with the , then chances are you're not a good candidate for a steady relationship. Nothing says "love" like smuggling a kilo into jail for your man. 5) Pictures. Nobody, I repeat NOBODY, wants to see a of your package. Women don't use penis jpgs like a lineup!! ("Oh look, his bends to the left, I have to have him" "Look at this Vienna sausage, oh god bless him, I hope he's rich") I do not want to be sitting at my desk and open up an with a zoomed-in shot of your junk. Try explaining that to your system admin when the whole network crashes!!! 6) If you're married..then say it! There is a whole population of BOTH men and women out there who might be looking to fill a void in their marriage with passion and affection from another. But, be up front about it! Avoid drama like the plague! Repeat after me, DISCRETION DISCRETION DISCRETION. Look, just be a nice guy. Don't be an a$$hole, and simple. Be courteous and not crude. Be confident but not cocky. I think I've covered the important stuff, after all, this isn't grad and I should hope you have a basic understanding of human anatomy at least enough that I shouldn't have to provide you with a self-help guide to pleasing a woman in bed :) And YES, I know, the women are as bad as the men. So this isn't a on guys! Don't get all pissed off and huffy simply because you were unable to detect the humor in this post. Sheesh.

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